I knew you personally, but I didn’t know you well.

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Burdened. I prayed for a woman as I wept in church on Sunday morning knowing that they were terminally sick and very close to tasting death–yet that would not be the only death they would soon taste. I had never had this woman as a patient before–yet the Lord had set His burden upon my heart for her.

Monday night: I arrive at the hospital for my shift. I scan my I.D. and steadily pace into the unlatched door of the hospital followed up a hallway full of pictures the represent the Doctors of our facility. I turn the corner to check the float pool to see which floor I would be on for the night: The NICU.  SCORE!!! I think to my self as I strut down the next hallway full of pictures but instead of doctors– its filled with precious babies. Again–into another locked unit, I scan my I.D. to enter and receive my patient list for the next twelve hours. I get report from the day nurse and start the process of taking care of these little ones with the goal of life. Not too long after I complete my first assessment on the premies, I receive a phone call from my nursing supervisor.

“Hey Winnie, It’s Joy. I am over my head and I need your help admitting a patient to the floor. Could you run up here for a few hours and I will let you go back down to the NICU when we get her settled and comfortable.”

Sure, I think…No problem. I run up a flight of stairs, across a breeze way, through a set of double doors and right into a dense wall of emotion and mourning. I receive report from the ER nurse. This was the lady…..Report from the ER nurse matched exactly the burden on my spirit. Terminal. My patient goal is now comfort unto death.

I intimately had the beautiful responsibility to take care of the woman the Lord had prepared for me in advance to do. I now know her very personally, but not well. You see, as I nurse, I have the most humbling opportunity to wash the bodies of the very sick, dying, hurting, and lost patients. I hold responsibility to be the holder of their care. I have been given authority to take away their physical pain. I am called when my patient is nauseated, short of breath, in severe pain, emotionally in bondage, or when she just needs a hot shower. I am there when the stress is just to much, when someone just needs permission to cry and mourn over the death of theirs that just has not happened yet. Yet, my spirit hungers to feed more than just her physical needs. I offer my hand to this beautiful spirit as she steps out of the shower and sits in her wheelchair. I bustle about as her physical needs consumed my mind–she gently grabbed my hand and in all her vulnerability and nakedness stated, “Am I dying?”  I stopped and started her straight in the face with a silent reply for 10 seconds and then replied, “You are very sick, very close, and need your rest.”

I have that burden. That burden of hatred towards myself when I ask for opportunities such as these–The Lord prepares me–and I fail under the opportunity to share Eternal Life with a patient who is days away from death.

Let me be real and laid out for one minute. This is one out of my possible 18 patients a week, 72 patients a month, and 864 patients a year I have opportunities with, I carry burdens for, and with all glory to God–I have the opportunity of sharing Eternal Life with….If I may be so bold to fight against my flesh and be surrendered with the Spirit of God. Pray with me in this. My mind and body war against my spirit and the Spirit of God. And with all that is within me, I yearn to make Christ known and so He shall be.

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For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling,so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 2 Corinthians 5:1-5

The Only One Around

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You know that heaviness of a feeling… Take another look at the picture…and visualize it in a spiritual sense.

When it all seems lost..When the road just seems a little too long… When everything around you is completely dark and seems a little shady. Pitch Black. Where it looks like there is no way through. No hope, No reason to fight. Lack of motivation. Loss of passion When you think no one cares…or Trust the wrong person who doesn’t really care. When you decide to take a stab at others or painlessly into yourself….and Look around to still find no one around you……. … …..

Who Will Light the Way?

This week… I have asked and been given a glimpse of what it means when the Word of God says small is the gate and narrow is the path that leads to life and few will find it. (Matt. 7:14) This is what I have been shown. There are far to many people who believe being a “good person” is enough to live eternally in heaven- having the mentality that they could save themselves, yet knowing deep down they are not capable of doing so. So, the continuation of people pleasing and good works keeps working inside of them convincing them that a good life is the way to salvation. This is the perfect picture walking a narrow path, but not the right one…There is not a gate for them to walk through.

During one of my shifts, I met a woman who had walked to the end of her path. She had made the decision to take her life. She cut through 80% of her left tendon in her wrist and completely severed one of her major arteries in her right wrist. But the Lord was not willing to give up on her. He is so faithful. His narrow path crossed hers when a nurse showed up at the door of her hotel to bring her her morning medication and found her in a pool of blood. Within minutes she was in an ambulance and headed in the direction of my care.

I am humbled. My path crossed hers…. The Light of the Lord overcame her dark and hopeless path. She needed one person to care and by the Grace of God… I was able to care for her in a deep way.

Yes… People may be on the completely wrong path, but no… They are not out of reach, they are not out of site of Christ…and once in a great and divine while… Our paths cross with those who are headed for destruction.

Praise the Lord for every day you live, for its everyday another person chooses to take their life. We have the opportunity to love on them..and Live in the Light of the Lord on His narrow path. If you don’t know Christ, Get to know Him. If you have questions, ask… I would love to talk to you and unit our paths cross.. I will continue praying for those I have not met, for one day every knee will bow and tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Tonights death–a wake up call.

Let me give you a scenario. Yes, It is 0345 and I have found myself in a situation that has my mind tied with a mental nuce about life and death. I am a new nurse and obviously, my goal is to see people healed unto life or comfortably leave unto death. However, I prefer the first goal. Have you ever thought about how you want to be remember? Who do you want to be remembered by and how you treated people in your life?

One of the patients on the floor peacefully passed away tonight. No, he was not my patient. However, I was able to talk through and console the nurse who did see him unto death. There was no immediate family, no relatives, and no loved ones present when he died…except one man who for a second knew the patient and decided no one should die alone.

As he took his last breath, the family and many health care professionals were called. Very quitely, a funeral home came to collect the lifeless body. His breath of alife, a chance to live…had come to an end. His body was taken away…but his spirit to live an eternity, either in heaven or hell.

Throughout this last year, I have really been tortured by the thought that I constantly base my “needs” in life off of the smallest parts of my body. For Example,

  • The tastebuds on my tongue decide the final result of my total bodies nutrients and health.
  • One eye triggers the temptation to commit sexual sin and become severely addcited to it to the point of breaking relationships and dealing with life long consquences.
  • One nerve ending decides pain for the whole body and chronically effects the body for a life time.

– and sooo on….. in a postive light… a mustard seed can grow the biggest of trees.

The little things… lead to bigger outcomes!

Have you ever thought of the ways that you impact people… as in a postive like the mustard seed or negative like the eye?

Do you understand that the words you say and the way you live have the ablity to crush someones spirit or build them up. To give life or death.

What does living look like to me?

What scares me about death?

What is my “little” that causes destruction?

Where is my eternal destination?

These are questions that daily, almost hourly, have me thinking… and thinking…. and maybe we should all answer these honestly for ourselves. For me, tonights death was a wake up call. And once again has me thinking….

To Be.

To be a woman who waits. A woman who stands on her word. A word that is only of The Word.

A woman to walk down the hard path. That narrow and unknown path.

A woman to walk what she talks. To talk first to the One who directs her Walk.

To love those around her despite what the world sees, But in essence of her broken world,

To hold them and hold them..to never let go.

To be a woman who speaks only what encourages and builds up. For the fruit of her lips overflows. It is never dry.

For in relationships, to reach a depth– The depth of a secret well- An intimate place that cannot be touched by those who seek to lock them up.

 

 

Isaiah 58:9-12

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.❤

Daily Death, Daily Life

You know, there really is something odd about how fast a day passes. It seems like just yesterday I was playing with lincoln logs and making mud pies out of dirt. It has really started to hit me  how minuscule  my life is.. and how everlasting eternity is.

As I reflect on this day, I really see very little value in what was done; that in itself is something to repent of. Also, I see a lot of destruction I have caused and sin that was committed; yet another reason to repent. There is something very awakening about  the realization that nothing in you is good or ever will be and the need to die to yourself in order for Christ to make His home in you.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glorythat far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what isunseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

 

 

Every time the Lord sets me free from myself and the death that so entraps me, He continues to make others alive through the testimony He has given me by His grace. Just like a dandelion that has now died, the seeds of His grace, by the power of the wind,  spread to a place unknown to cultivate a fieldof vibrant beauty. Little by Little and day by day, My eyes are opened to the sickening disposition of how much I desperately need Christ to save me daily from myself to be able to gain Life and boast soley in Him. In many of Paul’s books, he talks about how peoples faith is being heard of around the world and how much that encourages Him. Just like a seed being planted, so is a breathe of life to those around us. Take hold of this day. Make it count. Love those around you, even if they are your enemies. Give the life that was given to you. Be Eternal.

The Life Beyond Comprehension

I was laying in bed last night at 1:00 am after a dear friend called me and I started to pray. 

“Dear God, 

Thank you for life.

Thank you for giving your Son so that I could live with you forever……”

 

I couldn’t speak more than that. I began thinking about the reality of what I was really saying….. FOREVER. Can your brain even wrap around the concept of eternity? Forever. Never dying… and for some, never living. Ever. Seriously. You never end. 

I began uncontrollably weeping at the mere fact of the unknown that will surround my whole being in eternity. I had a very cyclic fear of eternity that was overwhelming. It put me in a complete state of panic. The thought of not being able to mentally grasp a concept drew me to the only One who lives in the Everlasting state of being. 

“Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.” Isaiah 40:28.

 

This passage came alive to me in my state of Panic. The Everlasting. The Creator of the ends of the earth. His understanding… no one can fathom. Have you ever stopped to take off the mask you have been wearing for this world and put down your facade to understand what you are really saying and doing. How will that affect your Eternal experience.  

Has the thought of living with Christ or dying in Hell FOREVER resonated in your spirit? FOREVER… Never leaving that state of be eternal being. Ever. Have you really met the Everlasting God? Are you really saved from Hell and Alive in Christ? Just a few things to ponder as you living out your salvation with fear and trembling. 

Battle For the Bride

9.18.2010

Broken to pieces, chained to this ground

Shunned, humiliated, I have yet to be found

Stuck down on my knees, a towel around my waste

Water in my basin, splashed only up in my face.

Blood dripping from my forehead, the stress is just too much

Lord please force over the children inducing this wrathful cup.

Bring your justice upon Babylon, act upon Babylon

Zion a waits, but Your bride is a whore,

She is a prostitute, broken and knocking at the rich mans door

She gives her self away, to the Kingdom of the air

The illusion of light, has grasped her in his snare.

You bring the victory. You set the captives free.

You war for your Bride, a pure intimacy.

To come down to earth for a second time again

Not to die and resurrect, but redeem you long lost friend.